skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Frost on The Pumpkin.
Old Jack Frost made a run at the Tomato Stand this weekend. Friday and Saturday night brought clear, windless skies and temperatures in the mid-30's. It wasn't all bad, frost covered lawns offered great photo ops and the mosquito population was decimated. But the Tomato Tree Stand wasn't amused.
The good news? Since the tomatoes were elevated 4 - 5 feet above the ground, they were spared a truly devastating attack. The bad news? Given the tenuous nature of the stand, I was limited in how aggressively I could cover the remaining fruit.
By Monday morning there were only a few branches left. The 6 remaining tomatoes are hanging on, but just barely. There is one tomato that should ripen naturally and one other that will probably survive the brown bag approach. The others, well I'm trying not to concede, but all that's left is to hope for an extended bout of Indian summer.
It's been very busy around here, I'll be back cooking for you in a couple of days.
And then there were six.
It's autumn in Michigan. That means cool to cold nights followed by slow warming days. It's hell on the wardrobe. I start the day in long sleeves and jeans and somewhere halfway through I'm wishing for shorts and a golf shirt.
The change in weather is wreaking havoc on the plants. Virtually all the leaves have yellowed. I've had to trim out the dead vines. Six plants, six tomatoes. Three are too small to have any hope of maturing. The three others have a chance. Season's nearly over.
The base of the stand is looking rusty and a bit shaky. Maybe it's my imagination or because Halloween is off in the distance, but I swear I can hear a whispered voice saying, "Go away", every time I get near the planter. Yet, for no particular reason, I'm cautiously optimistic that we'll make it through without tragedy or fatality.
Isn't that what happens in every Stephen King novel?
Come to think of it, the whole Tomato Tree Stand saga would make a good horror story. Well, we're not quite dead yet. Maybe one or two more entries. Tomato Tree Sales VP & Customer Service Guru, Frank at Felknor still has a few days left to respond to my questions.
Now if I can just figure out who that guy is on the deck carrying an axe and wearing a goalie mask.
The tomatoes knew it was happening before anyone else did. In unison, all the plants started to yellow. The ripening of the fruit slowed to a crawl. Leaves started dropping on their own. Fall is coming.
"Fall" is a word I've tried to avoid around the tomato tree.
We've had a few truly cool nights, a couple down into the low 40's and once even to 39 degrees. My tomatoes have taken on a duller sheen. Maybe it's the dew in the mornings, maybe it's the drop in sunlight, but the plants have started their death rattle.
The large potted plant is down to 2 pieces of fruit. The tree has about a dozen tomatoes left to ripen. But, as Ceres predicted, the fruit on the tree in substantially smaller than the fruit from the large pot.
Sigh. The dying of light.
No calamities this week. Though it's obvious that we're down to one or two more entries in the Tomato Tree Chronicles.
So it's time to break out the light sweaters and start preparing for hibernation. I have a few grilling recipes left, but very soon I'll be slipping into full autumn cooking. Until next time...
Well the bad news had to come sooner or later. No the stand hasn't collapsed, but evil super-villainess Blossom Endrot has returned and she has returned with a vengeance.
I thought I had vanquished this problem months ago. The tomato tree stand had been yielding good fruit and there were no signs of additional problems, then BAM, SOCKO, this weekend the end rot came back. I don't know why, I've been treating both pots the same way, and the "old-fashioned" approach doesn't exhibit any problems.
I am left to assume that tomatoes grown in the Topsy-Turvy Tomato Stand are somehow more susceptible to BER. The experiment with the upside-down approach is beginning to circle the drain. There is a palpable smell of death in the air.
The good news is that the low-tech, old-fashioned approach is prodigiously producing laughably large fruit. Crabby won't go hungry for tomatoes, but he won't be eating as many as he'd planned.
We'll cook again next time, I'm planning on posting a fish recipe, so those of you who get all flustered by fish, consider yourselves forewarned.
Harvest!!
Over the last two weeks I've actually harvested tomatoes. One of the greatest meals and certainly the greatest meal involving toasted white bread, is a bacon, lettuce & tomato sandwich using garden fresh tomato. The cold lettuce, the creamy mayonnaise and the explosive taste of real tomatoes proves beyond any doubt that great cooking is often the simplest cooking.
Now I admit I was very nervous picking the tomato stand fruit. I had horrific images of the stand spontaneously combusting, engulfing everything within 10 feet. There I was, 6' 3" tall CrabbyCook, flailing about the deck, tomatoes flying off is all directions, doing my best Human Olympic Torch impression. The horror.
But I survived. It should also be noted that my low-tech-tomatoes-in-a-planter also yielded fruit, without any of the resident fears of self-immolation.
But who cares, tomatoes are here! Time to sit back and enjoy! The sunflower photo is just a throw in.
Tedium. Lassitude. Ennui.
Familiarity breeds contempt.
True with people, true with food.
I try and cook with ingredients that are fresh. I buy fresh produce from my grocer, the local farmer's market or simply use the fresh kill from my meager garden. It's exciting at the beginning when things first start to ripen. It's becomes challenging and boring toward the end of the harvest.
I'm bored with corn.
It's been a tough year for sweet corn. It just never seemed to show up in volume. I don't know, maybe it's all been plowed under for the ethanol variety, but all summer it's been gummy, over-sized kernels everywhere you looked.
Yeah, yeah, I can hear you out there...
"Oh, Crabby, give me a break. By November you'll be whining for fresh corn like an 8-year old without Hannah Montana tickets."
I know, I know; by November it'll be "absence makes the heart grow fonder". But right now it's more like "how can I miss you if you won't go away"!
Well here's a recipe that SSSal has adjusted/concocted over the years that brings back some interest, especially to late season corn. Sweet Corn Pudding is a baked, slightly gelatinous side dish that works well with fresh or frozen corn. And since this is a corner-crust house, this year she's adapted the recipe to use the Baker's Edge baking pan. A very good recipe made great by this invention. Enjoy.
Sweet Corn Pudding
by SSSal, inspired, adapted and adjusted from Bon Appetit, December 1999
4 cups fresh corn kernels (about 4 ears)
4 large eggs
1 cup whipping cream
1/2 cup milk (use 2% if you're trying to lower the fat content)
2 TBSP sugar
1/4 cup butter (1/2 stick), at room temperature
2 TBSP all-purpose flour
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
1 TBSP fresh, chopped basil
Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Blanch the husked ears of corn for two minutes. Allow to cool, then cut the kernels from the cob (warning/hint: Cutting corn kernels from a cob is a messy and time-consuming job, hold the ear vertically over a baking sheet and allow the kernels to fall/fly where they may).
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Lightly butter your Baker's Edge Baking Pan ( or if you don't have one yet, an 8"x8"x2" glass baking dish). In a food processor combine all the ingredients except the basil. Pulse until the mixture forms into a coarse batter. Stir in the chopped basil.
Pour the batter into your Baker's Edge pan and bake until golden brown and the center of the pudding just begins to set, approximately 45 minutes. Cool for 10 - 15 minute. Serve.
There you have it. A new corn application; not firm enough to be bread, not soft enough to be soup. Perfect with any grilled meat or that toothless senior in the household. It also reheats easily in a 350 degree oven. Give it a try and until next time, remember you can do it, you can cook!
What? More tomatoes!? Isn't that stand ever going to collapse?
A couple of weeks ago Apple introduced their new iPhone. There was endless video of people camping out in line, followed up by breathless reports of fantastic sales figures. One million phones sold in one day! Wow! Interestingly, no media outlet pointed out that in 2007, Nokia sold an average of 1.19 million phones a day every day of the year.
Of course there were a few worms. The first few days Apple stores and AT&T couldn't unlock the software to turn the phone on. A small problem, but hey, you have the new iPhone, you should be happy! Then there were those pesky problems with MobileMe; seems that having the phone turned on was no guarantee that it would actually do what Apple said it would. Well, it only affecting 1% (10,000) of you. Get over yourselves!
Hype and hubris.
The tomato tree still stands, though the base has developed some worrisome rust. The legs are, precariously, holding on. The Better Boys are ripening quite quickly. The Brandywines are lagging; I'm not sure we'll see any this year.
Interestingly, my non-tomato tree plant is doing quite well, with none of the blossom end rot displayed by the upside-down tomatoes. They were planted the same day using the same new dirt. They've been treated exactly the same, (except for the fact that the Tomato Tree plants require much more water).
"The Tomato Tree eliminates common pests and diseases". "The Topsy-Turvy gives you up to 30 lbs. of fruit per plant" - I'll be lucky to get 10 lbs. "The Topsy-Turvy eliminates backbreaking work" - Unless you're under it when your taking it apart to ship back.
Hype and hubris. The beat goes on.
Tonight's Episode: Death in the Afternoon.
After nearly a month and a half of growing, after two recall notices, after many measures intended to provide public safety, the Tomato Tree Stand had it's first death. Chipmunk? Poodle? Hummingbird? Senior Citizen? No.
The first casualty of the Tomato Tree was, a tomato. Yes, Christine - The Stand of Death, has resorted to cannibalism. Yesterday afternoon I found a ripening tomato destroyed by some sort of fungus. What's interesting about this problem is that among the vaunted advantages of the Topsy-Turvy Tomato Planter, is the elimination, that's right, elimination, of ground fungus, harmful bacteria and cutworm damage.
As the pictures show, Crabby is having some sort of fungus/bug problem. Can anyone out there in Crab Nation identify what is happening to my tomatoes? Anyone, please?
To my thinking, the whole point of the Topsy-Turvy was to have tomatoes sooner (per the infomercial), with fewer diseases/pests (per the infomercial), and less overall stress, (read the recall notices). So far, nada. Yes I do have some tomatoes starting to ripen, but they are ravaged by some disease. The other plants in the planter show almost no fruit. August is beginning to look like a grim harvest.
Next time back to recipes. May God have mercy on my tomatoes.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Crabby Quiz: Pretty easy one this time. There are two literary references in this post, at/near the beginning. Please identify.
You know what really cracks my claws? Lousy customer service, that's what. When you're out buying a product all the salespeople can talk about is how good their item is. If you ask about problems or issues, they act appalled, as though you somehow insulted their mother. I can't begin to count the number of times I've been told about the "Lifetime Warranty" or 24/7 Help Lines.
Of course, sooner or later, something does go wrong. Whether it's a car or a computer or a tomato tree stand. Suddenly your best friend, the salesman, he doesn't remember you. If you have a problem, well call the 800 number.
These days when you call the 800 number, you have to live through a twenty minute recitation of your push button options. "Listen carefully as our phone options have changed". Ha! The phone options never change! It's always, "press 1 for sales, press 2 to tell us how great we are, press 3 to buy a 1000 more and all other inquiries press 8 to be dumped to a call center in West Youdoofustan, where one of our English-as-a-never-had-language operators are standing by to help you. You are number 487 in queue".
WOW! Crabby's hot!
Youbetcha. As we all know Crabby has received mail warning him about the imminent collapse of his Tomato Tree Stand. Well on June 16th, the date of my last update, Crabby got a second letter informing him that the Tree Stands were now on full recall. Please disassemble the stand, cut out a 4"x4" portion of the Gro-bag, package it all up and ship it back for a full refund.
Huh?
What about my tomatoes? Just what am I supposed to do about them?
So Crabby called the 865 number (no toll free number for Felknor Ventures LLC - you buy our defective product, you pay for your own phone calls). Guess what happened? After listening to the phone options, because they've changed you know, nobody answered the phone! I called the next day, wanna guess again? You're right, no answer. Wow!!! what great product support. Or do I mean to say, What great customer support?
Crabby then took another approach, contacting frank@felknorventures who was to be of further assistance. Now Frank got back to me in a day apologizing profusely for people not answering the phone. Frank even offered to refund me the cost of my tomato seedlings. In my email back to Frank I pointed out the $15 for tomato seedlings in the middle of June didn't solve the impending problem of no fresh tomatoes come August.
I told Frank that I was going to risk grave bodily harm and keep the Stand hoping it would survive this growing season. I also asked him if I could return the stand at the end of the summer and get my replacement then. Guess what? Eleven days and no answer from Frank.
Now maybe Frank is the President of Felknor and is just too busy to get back to me. Maybe Frank is just some drone in sector 7G who's had all the complainers dumped in his lap. Regardless, it would be nice to get an answer.
At any rate, the tomatoes seem to be growing just fine. The Better Boys are far ahead of the Brandywines. I'm hoping to make it to September, wish me luck.
Now if I could just get rid of this recurring nightmare: an old lady, pinned by her Tomato Tree Stand, unable to reach her Lifeline, her Tree Stands' fallen and she can't get up. The horror, the horror.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* George Clooney's first movie credit was for his appearance in Return of The Killer Tomatoes
Time for a two week update on the Tomato Tree. Everything has been going fine, with one notable exception. One month after I received the Tomato Tree and two weeks after I had planted it, I got a letter informing me of a safety issue with the Tomato Tree Stand. It appears that the legs of the stand have a stability issue. If the stand is moved, the legs may fall out of place causing the entire tree to come crashing down. Lovely!
Included with the letter were instructions on how to retrofit the stand to make it stable. What wasn't explained was how to remove the legs of the stand while it supports 6 plants and 15 - 20 pounds of water soaked potting soil. Since I can't figure out how to retrofit the stand without a 3 person crew and a small hoist, I've taken to surrounding the base with heavy potted plants.
Adding to the adventure(danger) is the fact that we've been going through some extremely fierce (read windy) weather here in the upper Midwest. So you will notice that I have also attached a couple of bungee cords to the top of the stand in order to hopefully keep it upright.
The plants themselves are growing at a spectacular rate. None of the six plants have died, so I'm trying to decide if I need to cull the herd in order to ensure maximum yield. Any ideas?
Here are a couple of photos. If your local paper runs a story with the headline, "Local Man Killed by Falling Tomato Plants, Embarrasses Family", you'll know they're talking about Crabby.
This is the first time I've had to wear a helmet to garden.
This will be a short post designed to introduce a gardening experiment I'll be trying this summer.
There are two things you need to know about Crabby. First, I love fresh tomatoes. Second, I'm a sucker for all those late night infomercials with products designed to improve my life beyond any reasonable expectation. Normally I ignore them, but occasionally, whether due to exhaustion or over consumption of wine, I end up trying one of these "god-sends".
A couple of weeks ago, I bought the Topsy Turvy Tomato Planter (with stand). This is an invention wherein the tomatoes are suspended in the air and thus grow downward. Now there are all sorts of alleged benefits to this approach, but I was primarily attracted to the space saving nature of the product as well as the promise of higher yields per square foot.
It has been a truly glorious spring weekend here in Michigan. Probably the first and last before the summer's humid onslaught. It was a perfect weekend to plant the garden, and the Topsy Turvy. So here are some photos. I'll post updates as the summer progresses. I planted 6 plants in this contraption (with the expectation that 2 or 3 won't survive), and only 1 "conventionally", so if thing doesn't work... Well, no guts, no glory.
With some luck we're only a couple of months from one of life's great taste treats, Bacon, Lettuce and Tomato Sandwiches with fresh tomatoes.
I enjoy life around the edges.
The mainstream is boring; there are few surprises and everyone just moves along in one massive, pudgy blob. Most everything in life is oriented for the biggest group, the soft easy middle.
Out on the edges things are a little less predictable. Things aren't as smooth, there are bumps in the road, potholes. It's also where the great confluences occur, those events that you can't anticipate. The edges are where the normal rules break down; it's where the "average" of the center starts to fall apart. The edge is where one influence takes over all others, it's where the magic happens.
It's at the edges that cooking gets interesting. I love pizza at the very edge of the slice. Not because of the crust (I really only like thin crust), but because that's where the cheese gets a little burned. I like bacon at the ends because that's where it's the crispiest. I like cookies that have been baked just a minute or to over the recommended time, because then you get that truly satisfying crunch when you bite into them.
In our house, crispy is where it's at. Whenever SSSal makes a batch of brownies, it gets eaten from the outside in. The last pieces eaten are always from the center. Well no more. I give you the Baker's Edge Brownie Pan. I came across this pan somewhere on the internet and ordered it immediately through Amazon. Obviously I am not alone in my edge obsession, because when I ordered it, the pan was back ordered by two weeks.
As you can see from the pictures the pan is a maze-like contraption that ensures that you get nothing but crispy edges when you bake. We tried it out the other day and it works sensationally. About the only difference we experienced is that the cooking time seems to take a couple minutes longer than normal box recommendations.
The brownies in this batch disappeared faster than any in recent memory. No forlorn center piece waiting to be eaten by some desperate soul at 11PM. I can say unequivocally that this brownie pan is the greatest invention in the history of mankind, (baking division). If you like your brownies crispy and all edge then you have to get this product (may I suggest the amazon link on this page?).
If this product weren't already great enough the web site gives you recipes for cookie bars, blondies, zucchini bread, lasagnas, gratins and more. If you love that crispy edge, you need this product!!
Well there you have it, Crabby's second product endorsement (after the Le Creuset). Later this long weekend I'm going to put up the first post of a summer long garden experiment. Check in tomorrow or Monday.
Have a nice weekend.
I picked one last vaguely ripe tomato, the other three we'll try the brown paper bag approach with. I'm not optimistic.
So let's drop the curtain on this episode and bid a fond farewell to our Tomato Tree Stand. I don't know if it will be back next year or not; probably by next spring I'll be willing to give it another try, tune in and see.
