Mustard-Cream Sauce

I am a polar bear stuck in a snow storm reading the newspaper classifieds watching "The Maltese Falcon" on TV.

It is gray here with occasionally more intense shades of black and white thrown in. It's as if someone pulled the plug on the color vat and now they're all empty. The sun has disappeared, and if past history is any indication, we won't be seeing much of it again until sometime in April 2010.

Gray upon grey upon gray. The entire state of Michigan is one big blob of gray. Clouds everywhere, no rain, no snow, just clouds. Throw in the auto industry, the housing market and the Michigan football teams and you have one massive ocean of indifference and ennui.

Michigan, Michgan State and the Lions all play this weekend and in all likelihood all three will be obliterated. Come Monday morning, sports radio and the newspapers will reach a tepid fever pitch calling for coaches' heads. But the outrage will pass, crushed by an endless blanket of clouds.

Sigh! is the new state fight song.

Well, I got one last grilling in before the Sun ran away and hid. But the truth is even today's sauce recipe is a bit bland and lifeless. Mustard Cream Sauce is a very simple, very fast sauce that was supposed to spice up grilled steak. Well not exactly. It would have been great on a sandwich instead of mayo or maybe on a piece of fish but it didn't have enough spine to stand up to beef. I kicked up the ratios quite a bit, so try and enjoy...

Mustard-Cream Sauce

inspired by Donna Hay Magazine but kicked up by Crabby

1/4 cup beef broth

1/4 cup dry white wine

1 TBSP Dijon mustard

1/3 cup sour cream

Combine the stock, wine and mustard in a saucepan and bring to a boil. Turn down the heat and simmer for two minutes. Remove from the heat and stir in the sour cream.

Spoon over grilled or roasted meat.

Wow, even the recipe is boring. This recipe needs to be tweaked to your personal mustardy-hotness preferences. It has decent if forgettable flavor.

Sigh, until next time, remember you can do it, you can cook.

Sesame & Soy-Ginger Pork with Soba

I heard my first Christmas Carols on the radio the other day. I guess this one station in town starts playing them November 1st. Given a choice they'd probably start right after Labor Day but then they'd be accused of "disrespecting" Halloween. Yup, you don't want to go up against "Monster Mash".

I can't stand that we completely blow by Thanksgiving, but I have to admit I'm no better than the rest. It's a Saturday in mid-November, Michigan is blowing another football game and it's 60 degrees outside. Only one thing to do: Outdoor Christmas Lights!

Every year there's that one weekend when you can risk life and limb putting up your outdoor lights without freezing your finger tips. Today was the day. So,I started rooting around in the basement, finding lights, testing strings and cursing burned out bulbs. How can bulbs burn out while they're sitting in the basement unplugged?

I got everything up. I won't turn the lights on until the Friday after Thanksgiving, but at least there were no frozen finger tips or cracked patches of skin. I'm inspired to make something a bit lighter for dinner. Grill one more time in decent temperatures. Sesame & Soy-Ginger Pork is light and quick. The marinating happens while your stringing lights or raking the last of the season's leaves. Enjoy...

Sesame & Soy-Ginger Pork with Soba

from Donna Hay magazine, Issue 46

1 1/2 pounds pork tenderloin, trimmed

1/4 cup soy sauce

1/4 cup oyster sauce

1/4 cup mirin wine

1 teaspoon freshly grated ginger

1/4 cup water

12 ounces soba noodles, cooked

1 TBSP toasted sesame seeds

1 TBSP vegetable oil

Add the first 5 ingredients in a re-sealable bag and mix well to fully combine. Refrigerate for at least 30 minutes and up to 8 hours.

Preheat your grill over medium-high heat.

Remove the pork from the marinade, but KEEP THE MARINADE.

Grill the pork until done. Approximately 15 - 20 minutes, turning every 5 minutes or so.

While the pork is grilling, prepare the soba noodles according to package directions. When done, rinse the noodles under cold running water.

While the pork and soba are cooking, transfer the reserved marinade to a small saucepan. Add the water and gently simmer until the sauce slightly thickens, about 5 minutes.

Toss the soba noodles with oil and sesame seeds. Serve the noodles with slices of pork and drizzle with the sauce.

OK, quick,easy and painless on a warm autumn day. The original recipe called for green tea soba noodles. I don't know where you live, but here, green tea soba noodles are hard to come by.

Alrighty crablings, I'm sure the weather is going to turn soon. until then remember, you can do it, you can cook.

Honey-Ginger Chicken

First "real" frost of the year this morning. Oh, we've had a few frosts already, but they've mostly been the cover your plants variety. Last night was a good old-fashioned 25 degree turn the lawn white and crunchy frost.

I know that this frost was a manly frost because of the Pooch. During the week I get up early to get the newspaper and walk him. Most days it's still quite dark and I carry a flashlight to find the paper, warn passing drivers and illuminate a spot for him to "do his business".

I suspect we make quite a sight. Me shabbily bundled against the cold with a spectral light weaving in time to my stride suddenly stopping on the shadowy image of a slightly embarrassed canine trying to get a little privacy. Most days we dawdle a bit. He sniffs for deer, I yawn listening for sleepy drivers speeding down our street. But not today.

Today it was downright cold. Pooch hit the grass and it looked like he wanted to raise all four paws at once. This made for a difficult time trying to "get things done", especially when it came to squatting. Every time the little guy got set, another blade of ice cold grass hit him in just the right spot. He'd jump up and shuffle to a new location only to spring up again. He looked like a chicken scratching at the ground looking for a little comfort.

Of course that reminded me of a chicken dinner from a few weeks back. Honey-Ginger Chicken Breasts is one of those meals that ends up looking complicated on the plate, but is actually very easy to prepare. The key as always is to try and maximize marinating time. The reserved marinade gets boiled to kill off any nasties and then you add a thickener to get it to set up nicely

Honey-Ginger Chicken

adapted from Cooking Light

Marinade

1/2 cup honey

1/2 cup orange juice

2 TBSP freshly grated ginger

1 TBSP lemon juice

1 TBSP cider vinegar

2 TBSP soy sauce

2 teaspoons sesame oil

1 teaspoon orange zest

1/2 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce

4 cloves garlic minced

4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts

Combine all the ingredients into a re-sealable bag and shake well to distribute. Refrigerate for at least 2 hours and preferably overnight, turning occasionally.

Additional Ingredients

1 TBSP cooking oil

1 TBSP cornstarch

1 TBSP water

Sesame seeds, for garnish

Chopped scallions, for garnish

Remove the chicken from the re-sealable bag and SAVE the marinade.

Heat a large saute pan over medium-high heat. When hot add the cooking oil. Place the chicken breasts in a single layer in the pan and cook for 7-8 minutes. Turn the chicken and cook for an additional 7 minutes.

Transfer the chicken from the pan to a serving plate and lightly cover with aluminum foil.

While the chicken is resting, strain the marinade and discard any solids. Pour the remaining marinade into a small saucepan and boil or 3 minutes. As the marinade boils combine the cornstarch and water into a thin slurry.

After boiling for three minutes add the slurry and cook for an additional minute. The sauce will thicken.

Slice the breasts, arranging pieces on individual plates. Spoon some sauce atop the chicken and then garnish with sesame seeds and scallions pieces.

OK crablings, this is actually a very easy recipe. Well, now that the sun's been up for a few hours, the Pooch is looking to go back out at a more leisurely pace. Until next time, remember you can do it, you can cook.

Veal Cutlets with Creamy Marsala Sauce

When I say "Indiana", what do you think of?

The Indy 500? Jim Nabors? Elkhart, RV manufacturing capitol of the world?

Well all those are true, but there are two more things that you need to be aware of.

Billboards and Flat.

Last weekend CC2 and I drove much of the length of Indiana to visit IU-Bloomington (more on that in another post). The thing that struck me almost immediately was how flat the place is. From the northern border to just north of Indianapolis, the state is so flat it looks concave. I swear you can see the curvature of the Earth if you stare at the horizon. If one bathtub overflowed in Gary, the water would swamp everything from Ft. Wayne to Terre Haute.

They make flat in Indiana and ship it to other places. In its own way the flatness is mesmerizing. Driving down highway 69 looking out over the cornfields I swear I saw Cary Grant being chased by a crop duster. I would have been able to confirm it was Cary Grant except the other thing Indiana is now famous for got in my way.

I've never seen so many billboards in my life. They are everywhere. They are in the cities, in the towns in the middle of no place cornfields. There are decrepit collapsing wooden ones, there are two-tier riveted steel monstrosities. They are of course noticeable because it's so dang FLAT!!!

Occasionally, the placement led to some interesting juxtapositioning. There was the billboard for the unfortunately named and quality confused "Butt Hut - Indiana's Cheapest Cigarettes", followed almost immediately by the billboard for "Witham Health Centers New Cancer Treatment Wing". Smart move, get your new customers right after they pick up their last carton.

Flat state, flat signs, got me thinking about flat food. The only thing I had in inventory that is remotely flat is Veal Cutlets with Marsala Cream Sauce. This is a twist on traditional Veal Marsala in that it adds some heavy cream towards the end. I only add half a cup of heavy cream, others may want a little more. just make sure and adjust the seasoning on the sauce. Enjoy...

Veal Cutlets with Creamy Marsala Sauce

by Crabby

8 veal cutlets pounded thin, about 1 1/2 pounds

1/2 cup all-purpose flour

1 TBSP Salt

2 teaspoons pepper

3 TBSP olive oil

8 ounces sliced mushrooms, preferably cremini

3 cloves garlic, minced

1 large shallot, minced

1/2 cup dry Marsala

1 cup low-sodium chicken broth

1/2 cup heavy cream

Place the flour, salt and pepper in a large re-sealable bag. Seal the bag and shake well to combine.

Open the bag and add 1/2 the veal. Seal and shake to coat. Shake off any excess flour and place the cutlets on a large plate. Repeat for the remainder of the veal.

Heat 2 tablespoons of the olive oil over medium-high. When the oil is shimmering add the cutlets forming a single layer. If necessary work in batches. Saute the veal two minutes per side. Transfer to a serving platter and cover with foil while you finish cooking the remaining veal.

Once the veal is done, add the remaining tablespoon of olive oil. When hot add the sliced mushrooms. Cook for 3 minutes tossing occasionally. Add the garlic and shallots and cook for an additional 2 minutes.

Add the wine and broth. Bring to a boil and scrape up any brown bits attached to the bottom of the pan. Add the cream and turn to a simmer. Return the veal cutlets and any collected juices to the pan and simmer for 2 minutes.

Adjust the seasoning, the sauce may need salt.

Serve the cutlets, napping each plate with sauce and mushrooms.

Flat food inspired by a flat state. I'm outta here crablings, see you next time. Remember you can do it you can cook.

Swordfish with Citrus Pesto

So I'm watching the TV this morning to see how NASA is going to blow up a chunk of the moon and nothing happens. You know, nothing. No KAPOW!!!, no BLOOEY!!! Nothing. The Today Show, Good Morning America, CNN, the Travel Channel, everyone is waiting for the big something and...

Nothing.

Zip.

Nada.

Now I admit a certain glee in watching preening Matt Lauer and clueless Meredith Viera suddenly have to explain why nothing happened after they spent the last two days promoting the event like it was Armageddon II. They trotted out some poor scientist to explain why nothing happened. The guy gave it his best shot, but it's really hard to talk about, nothing. Believe me I have to do it twice a week and there is many a time when I struggle to come up with something to write about.

Of course, the experts and the network talking heads overlook the most obvious explanation. The reason there was no explosion is because, as any child can tell you, the Moon is made of cheese. Cheese does not spew rocks and hydrogen atoms when hit by a large SUV traveling at 6,000 miles an hour. No! Slam into a continent-size piece of Brie at that speed and you'll be sucked under in picoseconds.

As you read this, Moonie Men are sipping port and nibbling on the Moon and crackers, wondering who the driver was of the NASA 2009 Explorer that slammed into their neighbor Harry's crater. Get real folks, it's the only reasonable explanation.

Today's recipe has nothing to do with the Moon or cheese. The best I can come up with is a vague affiliation to water. Today I'm making Swordfish with a Citrus Pesto. The star of this recipe is the pesto. Though it's a bit tart, it does give the fish a fresh acidic bite. So sit back, look up at the moon and enjoy...

Swordfish with Citrus Pesto

by Giada De Laurentiis with minor adjustments by Crabby

2 cups fresh basil leaves, stemmed

1/2 cup toasted pine nuts

1 clove garlic

1 lemon, zested and juiced

1 orange, zested and juiced

1 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper

2/3 cup extra virgin olive oil

1 cup grated Parmesan Cheese

1 1/2 pound swordfish steak

1 TBSP cooking oil

Salt & Pepper to taste

Blend the basil, pine nuts, garlic, citrus zests, juices, salt and pepper in a food processor or blender. Process until until the mixture is finely chopped.

With the machine running, slowly pour the olive oil into the mixture until it is smooth and creamy.

Transfer the pesto to a bowl and stir in the Parmesan cheese.

Set Aside.

Pre-heat your gas grill over medium-high heat.

Brush both sides of the swordfish with the tablespoon of cooking oil. Season both sides of the fish with salt and pepper.

Grill the swordfish about 4 minutes per side (assuming approximately a 1 inch thickness).

Transfer the fish to a serving platter and top with the citrus pesto.

All in all a very simple recipe. I upped the amount of olive oil slightly and you may want to add some extra pepper depending on your taste.

I'll see you in a few days, let's all hope that the NASA satellites didn't dislodge some sort of Moon Flu that's rocketing it's way in our direction as we speak. Until next time, remember you can do it, you can cook.

Grilled Ginger-Garlic Pork

It's that time of year. You get up in the morning and you're freezing. You put on jeans, a polo and a sweatshirt.

Then the problems start.

By 10:30 the skies are clear, there's no breeze, it's 80 degrees and you're schvitzing like an Airedale. It's shoulder season crablings. It's not summer, it's not autumn. It's both!

You can tell all the other people who keep roughly your schedule just by hanging out at a Starbucks around 1 PM. The early risers are wearing long everything - shirts, pants, socks. The late rising lay-abouts stroll in wearing shorts, t-shirts and flip flops. You don't need to ask who has a job and who doesn't: If you see knees, they're unemployed.

Well it's no different when it comes to cooking. This time of year I just can't decide what I want to make. I get up in the morning and that little bit of a chill has me thinking about cranking up the oven. Then the temp rises 30 degrees and I'm wondering how I'm gonna grill a pot roast? Today's recipe is one of those scrambling plays. Grilled Ginger-Garlic Pork has that vaguely Asian taste that I love so much. Augment it with Mustard Dipping Sauce and you have a nice little dinner, so drop the sweatshirt and enjoy...

Grilled Ginger-Garlic Pork

adapted from www.theotherwhitemeat.com (no, seriously)

4 boneless pork loin chops or pork cutlets

Marinade

1 medium onion, sliced

1 garlic clove, crushed

1 TBSP chopped parsley

1 TBSP grated ginger

1/4 cup red wine

2 teaspoons sugar

1/4 cup soy sauce

1/4 cup olive oil

2 teaspoons sesame oil

Dipping Sauce

1 TBSP dry mustard

5 TBSP soy sauce

3 TBSP apple cider vinegar

1 teaspoon sesame oil

1/4 cup minced green onions for garnish (optional)

Place all the marinade ingredients into a large re-sealable bag. Zip closed and shake well to mix. Add the pork, reseal and refrigerate at least 2 hours and preferably overnight.

Remove the pork from the refrigerator and bring to room temperature. Preheat your grill to medium-high.

When hot, grill the pork to desired doneness. Assuming a 1 inch thick chop, grill for 3 - 4 minutes per side. Set aside and loosely cover with a sheet of aluminum foil.

While the chops are resting, whisk together the dipping sauce ingredients in a medium bowl.

Slice the chops and drizzle with the dipping sauce and scatter with the minced green onions (optional).

There you go crablings. The first sorta, kinda fall-ish recipe in a while. Stay tuned, there'll be more coming.

Alrighty then, I'm outta here, until next time, remember you can do it you can cook.

Spanish Pork with Orange & Poppyseed Salad

Beat up sneakers. Ratty old jeans. The dog.

Old standbys, they're the things that make life reasonable. No matter how exotic you get, they're the things that remind you that life is best at it's simplest.

The dog had surgery this week. During his annual check-up they found a cyst on his back. No one is sure if it's a problem, but best to have it taken out and tested.

The dog. Suddenly everyone is nervous about the dog.

He spent a day wearing one of those plastic hoods; don't tell me dogs don't have emotions. The pooch was flat out embarrassed. I swear, on his walks he looked the other way every time we ran into someone. Stupid cone.

He also has this square patch shaved into his side. I keep telling people that we had a small nuclear device implanted. You know, for security.

When I took off the cone he curled up on my feet and hasn't been too far away since. Man's best friend.

If a dog is man's best friend then, delicious magazine, volume 5 issue 11, has to be CrabbyCook's best friend. It is the single greatest issue of a cooking magazine ever. I've never prepared as many recipes from a single magazine as I have from that one issue. Spanish Pork with Orange & Poppyseed Salad is a great meal, light subtle flavors and the meal looks drop dead gorgeous. What more do you need? Enjoy...

Spanish Pork with Orange & Poppyseed Salad

from delicious magazine, volume 5 issue 11 plus a few Crabby adjustments

4 pork loin chops

1 teaspoon cumin

1 TBSP smoked paprika

Zest & Juice of 1 orange

1/3 cup ketchup

1/3 cup maple syrup (the real stuff)

Orange & Poppyseed Salad

2 oranges

1 large, seedless English cucumber, halved lengthwise and sliced

1/4 cup cilantro leaves or other peppery green

1 jalapeno pepper, seeded, deveined and diced

1/3 cup champagne vinegar (white wine vinegar can be substituted)

1/2 cup olive oil

2 TBSP granulated sugar

2 TBSP poppyseeds

For the pork, combine the cumin, paprika, ketchup, orange zest, orange juice and maple syrup in a large zip top bag. Shake well to combine. Place the pork in the bag, seal and refrigerate at least 1 hour and preferably overnight.

For the salad. Zest the rind of one of the oranges and set aside in a small bowl.

Peel the oranges and remove the sections. Place into a large bowl along with the sliced cucumber and diced jalapeno. Set aside.

Combine the vinegar, oil, sugar and poppyseeds in a large glass jar. Shake well to combine. Set aside.

Remove the pork loin from the refrigerator at least 30 minutes prior to grilling in order to bring it to room temperature.

Preheat your grill to medium high.

Grill the pork to desired doneness, about 5 - 6 minutes per side depending on the thickness.

Remove from the grill and allow them to rest.

While the pork is resting, divide the salad among four plates. Slice the pork chops and place atop the salad. Drizzle the orange poppyseed dressing over the plates and serve.

This is a great meal. My only complaint was that it needed a bit more heat, so consider adding additional hot peppers.

Alright, I'm off to walk the dog. Until next time remember, you can do it, you can cook.

Leftover Lo Mein

Dog days. Three dog night.

Both of those sayings refer to weather (and yes, I know the second one is a reference to a vapid and tedious '70s "rock" band). Dog Days refers to the long, sultry stretch of summer running from early July to early September. For me it's always meant the three "H"s - Hazy, Hot and Humid. It's the time of year you don't so much wear your clothing, as much as it swaddles you like a wet warm towel.

A "three dog night" on the other hand, means it's so cold that you resort to using your pets as heating elements. I think the phrase comes from outdoor types getting caught out on cold nights and trying to survive by cuddling with their dogs.

Well this summer in Michigan the "dog days" are fast becoming "three dog nights". Hot humid days have been few and far between. The nights have been in the 50's and the family pooch wants to know why he's being allowed to sleep in King & Queen Crabby's bed. The spin doctors (also a band) have changed the name from "global warming" to "climate change", good thing, because there's no warming in sight.

Well the dog days can also refer to my cooking. Normally this time of year, I open the fridge door and stand there for a while. Of course normally I'm trying to cool off, but I'm also searching for inspiration. It's a must go time of year. Well here's my latest "must-go" creation.

Leftover Lo Mein is designed to freshen up things you find in the fridge that just have to go before they decide to go bad on their own. It's a fast and simple recipe, relying on a quick Asian style sauce to punch up the flavors. If you have fresh vegetables, use them, but frozen work just fine. Enjoy...

Leftover Lo Mein

by Crabby

1 package (9 - 12 ounces) Soba Noodles (for this recipe I prefer whole wheat to buckwheat Soba)

Leftover pork, beef or chicken meat, diced

2 cups total of assorted vegetables (peas, carrots, red peppers and corn work especially well)

2 scallions sliced thinly

1 TBSP cooking oil

1 1/2 cups chicken stock

2 TBSP soy sauce

1 TBSP oyster sauce

2 teaspoon sesame oil

1 1/2 TBSP cornstarch

Prepare the soba noodles according to the package instructions. When done cooking, rinse the noodles under cold running water and allow to drain. Set aside.

If you are using frozen vegetables, place them in a colander and run them under warm water until they are slightly thawed. Alternatively, microwave them for 1/2 the recommended cooking time listed on the package. Set aside.

In a large bowl, combine the chicken stock, soy sauce, oyster sauce, sesame oil and cornstarch. Mix well to fully dissolve the cornstarch. Set aside.

Using a large saute pan, heat the cooking oil over high heat for 60 seconds. When hot, add the meat and all vegetables, except the scallions. Saute for 90 seconds tossing occasionally.

After 90 seconds add the cooked soba noodles and toss to combine.

Mix the sauce once again to distribute the cornstarch and immediately add to the saute pan.

Bring to a boil while stirring the ingredients. The sauce will usually thicken within 60 seconds.

Remove from the heat, scatter the chopped scallions atop the noodles and serve.

I have to tell you crablings, this is such a simple recipe and the crowds love it. If you only have beef leftovers then I'd swap the chicken stock for beef stock.

OK, it's raining again, and we aren't going to get to 85 degrees for the foreseeable future, so I'm off to find some pot roast recipes. Until next time, just remember, you can do it, you can cook.

Blueberry Ketchup

Well apparently I'm not the only one who's having trouble with garden varmints. The story about my raccoon problem brought out some interesting reactions from Crab Nation. People shared horror stories and tips on how to "address" the situation.

Most of the comments fell into the "spread this - spray that" category. Of course, this being the internet, I also got some more, ummm, aggressive suggestions. Some of you feel that I'm being too nice to my furry invaders. That the only real answer is to pursue a strategy of elimination with "extreme prejudice".

There was the offer of a pellet gun with scope. The selling point being that it had already eliminated 24 squirrels. I'm not sure how many notches you need on your pellet gun before you become a Squirrel Ace, but I'd hate to interrupt your march to 25 , so I think I'll pass, "DeathFromAbove", but good luck on your quest.

There was one reader who was appalled that I was being so easy on the little buggers. She suggested instead of pistachio nuts I step up to rounded, tapered edge stones. While it's probably more effective, I'll pass for now, though thank you for the tips on getting blood stains out of the deck, "GrandmaBarker".

Gathering darkness, pellet guns, sharp stones and Crabby with half a bottle of wine in him. Not exactly a recipe for success do you think? Folks I appreciate all the help and suggestions, but they're just a couple of baby raccoons. I put them in the danger-entertainment category right next to last year's Tomato Death Stand. I'm just not quite ready to step up to the nuclear option.

Speaking of recipes, let's move on to today's. The local blueberries are starting to show up in the stores and the paper ran an article about Blueberry Ketchup. Well I'm all in favor of trying new things, so I gave it a whirl. It wasn't bad, but it also wasn't quite what I expected. I think it needs either less vinegar or a touch more brown sugar. Fell free to experiment with it and update us all with your results. Enjoy...

Blueberry Ketchup

by Chef Jim LaPerriere via the Detroit Free Press

2 cups fresh blueberries

1 clove chopped garlic

1 small shallot, minced

6 TBSP brown sugar

1/4 cup apple cider vinegar

1 TBSP lemon juice

1/4 cup finely chopped onion

1/4 teaspoon ground coriander

1/8 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1 teaspoon kosher salt

1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

Mix all the ingredients in a medium sized saucepan and bring to a boil over high heat.

Reduce to a simmer and cook uncovered, stirring occasionally, until thickened and syrupy, about 25-35 minutes.

Remove from the heat and allow to cool slightly.

Push the mixture through a fine sieve. Taste and adjust the seasoning.

That's it. Everything went just fine, but the result just didn't taste very blueberry-ee. The ketchup was much better the next day and I believe it would be a spectacular sauce for duck or venison, though it was quite nice with our grilled pork chops. Give it a shot and play with the proportions.

Alright, I'm done for today. Back to Raccoon-Watch 2009. I think they're pretty safe, unless they get at Boonsta's cucumbers. Then the furry SOBs won't know what hit 'em.

Until next time, remember, you can do it, you can cook.

Herb Pesto Sauce

Kill the wabbit,

kill the wabbit.

Picked the first home grown tomatoes last night! One was actually a little overripe, but it had that full fresh flavor you just can't find in February.

Actually these aren't the first tomatoes picked from the garden. We've had three early season fatalities. An unknown, presumed furry, intruder has been visiting the deck late at night and half eating some of the fruit. I suspect that it's either a young raccoon, vestigial possum or insolent badger.

Normally I'm indifferent to hunting, but the rules change when my garden is in danger. Regrettably my options are limited; apparently there are some arcane laws that make it illegal to fire off a few rounds on one's own deck, if said deck is in a sub-division. So your Crabby is implementing phase two of his tomato-eating-pest-elimination-plan, a slingshot!

One of Crabby's many vices happens to be pistachio nuts. I love the things and go as far as only buying the un-dyed white ones so that I can hide my addiction. But, the bane of any pistachio aficionado is the unopened nut. These teeth cracking nut bombs are impossible to get open without shattering the shell. After sucking off the salt I've never had any use for them, until now.

So as you sleep tonight, think of Crabby, camouflaged, armed and salty fingered, drawing down on an unsuspecting feral rodent. War is Hell.

Since I'm going to be busy tonight I wanted to make something easy and fast. I also wanted to use up some of the fresh herbs in the garden. Pesto is a great way to run through a large bunch of herbs. This pesto moves beyond strictly basil and works especially well with grilled meats, (it's pictured here with grilled halibut). So please enjoy...

Herb Pesto Sauce

inspired by Emeril's and adjusted by Crabby

1 cup fresh basil leaves

1 cup flat leaf parsley leaves

1/2 cup fresh mint leaves

1/4 cup fresh cilantro leaves

1/3 cup fresh chives

1/2 cup blanched, slivered almonds, lightly toasted

2 cloves garlic, minced

1/2 cup Parmesan cheese

1 cup extra virgin olive oil

2 teaspoons fresh lemon juice

1 TBSP grated lemon peel

1 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

Place the blanched slivered almonds in a small saute pan and toast over medium-high heat. Once they begin to brown, the almonds will toast quickly, so be sure to occasionally shake the pan to avoid burning. Set aside to cool.

For the Pesto, combine the basil, parsley, mint, cilantro and chives in the bowl of a food processor. Process until finely chopped.

Add the toasted almonds, garlic and Parmesan cheese and pulse to combine.

With the processor running, slowly add 1 cup of the olive oil in a steady stream. Add the lemon juice, grated lemon rind, salt and pepper. Pulse to combine.

Transfer to a glass bowl, cover and refrigerate until ready for use.

I've also mixed the leftover pesto with a half stick of softened butter and used it on grilled steak.

OK crablings, time to gear up; Ricky Raccoon is about to find out the Crabby owns the night. Until next time, if I make it, remember you can do it, you can cook.

Cider Adobo

I haven't got a clue what to write about.

Some of you bop in here for the recipes. Others of you drop by to read the stories. Both can be easy. Both can be insurmountably hard. Today it's the story.

I keep an inventory of prepared recipes and photos that I pick and choose from. Sometimes a story reminds me of a meal, sometimes the meal jogs a story idea. Today, nothing. I have an ocean of photos, an encyclopedia's worth of recipes, an embarrassment of food, but "I got nothin'".

Maybe it's because of the long weekend. Maybe it's because of the heat. Maybe my brain is just empty.

That would explain the dull echoing sound.

So today I'm going to steal from the newspaper columnists. I'm going to write about nothing. It's the oldest trick in the book. Got nothing to write about? Write about nothing! No talk about Federer winning an epic match; no blithering about Palin quitting in mid-stream. Nothing.

Sigh, maybe the dog wants to go for another walk...

Sometimes cooking is like my brain: bereft of creative ideas. The easiest solution is to take something "normal" and add a different twist. That is the easy part - start fire, put meat on fire, turn over, eat. The twist, not so easy. Well, I scoured my cookbooks and print outs and found Cider Adobo. It fits today's conundrum of trying to make pate out of chopped liver. This sauce gives grilled meats a nice sweet-sour bite. Enjoy...

Cider Adobo

from Cowboy In The Kitchen by Grady Spears & Robb Walsh

3/4 cup red wine

3/4 cup apple cider vinegar

1/4 cup apricot preserves

1/4 cup honey

2 TBSP packed brown sugar

1 teaspoon minced garlic

1 teaspoon peeled & minced fresh ginger

1 scallion, thinly sliced

1/4 cup fresh cilantro, chopped

Place all the ingredients in a large heavy pan and stir well to combine.

Place the pan over medium-high heat and bring the mixture to a boil. Pay attention, this sauce has a desire to boil over!

When boiling, reduce heat to medium and cook the adobo uncovered until it reduces by half; this will take approximately 20 - 25 minutes.

The sauce should have a syrupy consistency.

Serve with grilled meats, especially game (quail, duck, pheasant), pork and chicken.

Refrigerated, the adobo will keep for about 5 - 7 days.

See nothing to it. You can barely call it cooking - put stuff in pot, boil, don't let it boil over, reduce, cool eat. But in the end you've added another taste weapon to your arsenal.

OK crablings, time to go. Until next time, remember you can do it, you can cook.

Mesa Steak Sauce

There are so many benefits to living in a college town. The fact that every September there's a new influx of excited, ernest young people gives the city a vibrancy that's hard to find in "regular" communities.

Mostly what it gives you though is an embarrassment of choices. The sheer variety of options is staggering. Whether it's sports, the arts or food, there is always something new and interesting to explore. And, because the city is filled with poor college students, a side benefit is that nothing is outrageously priced.

I've sat 20 rows from Wynton Marsalis and his band. I've seen the Chicago Symphony Orchestra perform "Rhapsody in Blue" from the first row of the first balcony. I've seen Dee Dee Bridgewater, Arturo Sandoval and Elvis Costello. I've watched the Royal Shakespeare Company perform "Julius Caesar". Normally the cost is $50 - $75 for the best seats in the house, down to $10-$15 for the 2nd balcony (though I did once pay $150 a ticket, for the Shakespeare, but that was a fund raiser that included a dinner).

We get a lot of headliners in this town. They're only here for one night, but I've always been able to get a seat. Last Friday was no different; Diana Krall, aka Mrs. Elvis Costello, was in town, promoting her latest album "Quiet Nights".

Her performance was spectacular. The music alternated between swinging hot jazz, sultry bossa nova and smoky, spicy love songs. Anyone who writes off Krall as some middle of the road, pop-jazz creation is an idiot. Go see her live, there will be no doubt in your mind about her jazz "chops".

Now I'm sure you're thinking, oh cool he's going to transition into making chops. Sorry, wrong answer. Chops would be a good idea, but I thought something a little spicy, a little smoky was in order. Mesa Steak Sauce is a recipe from Food Network Chef Bobby Flay. Known for his use of hot spices, this recipe doesn't disappoint. The only problem with the recipe is the name; Steak Sauce is too limiting, this sauce would go well with grilled chicken, shrimp or pork. So crank up Diana Krall and enjoy...

Mesa Steak Sauce

by Bobby Flay

1 cup ketchup

2 TBSP freshly grated horseradish

1 TBSP honey

1 TBSP maple syrup

1 TBSP chile powder

1 TBSP Dijon mustard

Salt & Pepper to taste

Combine all ingredients in a medium sized bowl.

Huh? You call that a recipe? Well crablings, things don't have to be complicated to be good. This sauce is smoky, sassy, spicy and faintly sweet. It's great with steak but try it with some other foods. I suspect a drop or two with good vodka could make for a great "Bloody Mary Shooter".

Well, I'm outta here. Until next time, remember, you can do it, you can cook.

Grilled Chicken with Tamarind-Orange Glaze

I need a goat.

It's Spring!  Tra-la, tra-la.

If you stick your head out the window you can actually hear my lawn growing. The big problem with weeding, watering and feeding your lawn is that then it starts growing.  Who thought that was a good idea?

When I run errands, it grows.  When I write a Crabby post , it grows.  When I sleep, it grows. It's relentless.  My lawn is the Terminator of Agronomy.  There's no where to run to, there's no where to hide. I can only hope the Terminator Salvation movie is about a John Deere Riding Mover going all Christian Bale on some turf farm.

If the weather doesn't cooperate or if I miss a day, the lawn explodes.  Within a few days my backyard goes from well kept to resembling a Vietnamese rice paddy.  Well, to hell with it. If my yard is going to resemble a southeast Asian landscape,  might as well eat that way too. Today's recipe is for Tamarind-Orange Glazed Chicken. I'll warn you, the toughest part of this recipe is finding the tamarind paste, but if you do, you'll end up with a tart, sweet, faintly exotic glaze for your chicken. Enjoy...

Grilled Chicken with Tamarind-Orange Glaze

from Bon Appetit,  September, 2002

1 chicken, halved lengthwise

1/2 cup olive oil

1/3 cup thinly sliced fresh basil

2 TBSP chopped garlic

1/4 teaspoon kosher salt

1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

2 14-ounce cans low salt chicken broth

1 cup orange juice

1/2 cup sugar

6 TBSP unsalted butter

2 TBSP tamarind paste

4 teaspoons grated orange peel

4 teaspoons grated, peeled fresh ginger

Place the chicken halves in a large baking dish.  Whisk together the olive oil, basil, garlic, salt and pepper. Pour over the chicken.  Turn to coat, refrigerate and marinade for at least 1 hour and preferably overnight.

For the tamarind glaze, in a large saucepan, whisk together the broth, juice, sugar, 3 tablespoons of butter, tamarind paste, orange peel and grated ginger.

Bring the mixture to a boil over medium-high heat.  Stirring often, cook until the mixture has reduced to 3/4 cup and the glaze coats the back of a spoon.  This step can take anywhere from 25 to 45 minutes, (the glaze can be prepared to this point up to 2 days ahead, cover and chill, when ready to use, re-warm over medium heat, whisking occasionally). Whisk in the remaining 3 tablespoons of butter.  Adjust the seasoning.

Remove the chicken from the refrigerator and bring to room temperature.  While the chicken is warming, prepare your grill over medium-high heat.  reserve a 1/4 cup of the glaze.  Grill the chicken until cooked through, (approximately 45 -60 minutes), turning often and basting with the tamarind glaze.  

NOTE: The glaze will burn, so turn the chicken frequently and pay attention to the heat level, you may wish to cook this over medium heat and take a bit more cooking time. Alternatively, consider cooking a whole chicken on the rotisserie, basting frequently.

There you are crablings.  Plain old chicken gets a little less plain.  Until next time, remember, you can do it, you can cook.

Grilled Halibut with Chermoula

Some nights we have "mustgos", you know, those nights when you open the fridge and start pulling things out, this must go, that must go.  Well the same thing happens when I'm looking for marinating ideas.

I spend a lot of time searching for something new and different when it comes to rubs and flavoring.  The fact is that most marinades are basically the same: a little oil, a little acid, throw in a few flavorizers, drop in the meat, go away. The "cooking" comes in finding an interesting blend of flavors.  The search isn't always easy, or fruitful for that matter.  But I soldier on because nothing is too difficult for my crablings.  It's taken a while, but I've found another variation on the flavor theme.

Today's recipe combines the best of all flavor worlds. Sweet-Sour-Hot-Spicy. Gotta love it. Chermoula is a marinade/rub that reminds me of Latin cooking.  Think of it as South American gremolata, (that's a horrible description, but it's the best I could come up with this morning). Enjoy...

Grilled Halibut with Chermoula

from delicious magazine, volume 5 issue 11

2 roasted red peppers, skinned, seeded and chopped

2 cloves garlic, finely chopped

1/4 teaspoon chile powder

1/4 teaspoon saffron threads (optional)

1/4 teaspoon ground cumin

1/4 teaspoon ground coriander

1 large tomato, seeded and chopped

20 mint leaves

Juice of 1 lemon

4 TBSP extra virgin olive oil

3 TBSP roughly chopped cilantro leaves

Salt & Pepper to taste

1 - 1 1/2 pounds, Halibut filet

For the chermoula, combine the garlic, chile powder, saffron, cumin and coriander in a large bowl.  Mix well.

Add the chopped roasted red peppers and tomatoes.  Stir to combine.  

Next add the mint, lemon juice, olive oil and two thirds of the cilantro.  Mix well to combine.

Taste for proper seasoning.  Chermoula should be sweet, sour, hot and spicy.  

Rub the halibut with half of the chermoula mixture.  Refrigerate and allow to marinade for at least 1 hour.

After an hour, preheat your grill over medium-high heat.  

Place the marinated Halibut on a sheet of aluminum foil and place on the hot grill.  Cook until done, approximately 12 minutes per thickness of filet.  Note: If you have a very thick piece of fish (> 2 inches), turn the fish halfway through the estimated cooking time.

Remove fish from the grill and serve with a spoonful of the remaining chermoula, garnish with a few of the remaining cilantro leaves.

Not bad. Not tough. Things are finally heating up, so we'll be cooking outside alot. If you haven't cleaned your grill yet, get to it.  Until next time remember, you can do it, you can cook. 

  

Tomato-Chili Jam

This little piggy coughed at market, this little piggy sneezed at home and this little piggy is international germ warfare terrorist Osama Big Lard-One, who's responsible for turning us into mask-wearing extras from the cast of E.R.

Yuppers folks, this swine flu business is really starting to heat up.  We've got federal governments telling us not to travel to Mexico.  We've got health departments advising us to constantly wash our hands with a mixture of water, bleach, disinfectant and plutonium and we've got local authorities closing schools and canceling high school baseball games.  Like I've always said, nothing causes overreaction and panic like sensible precautions.  

But, if the last three days are any indication, the problem isn't with a flu that appears to be no more harmful than your average every-winter garden variety flu.  Nope, the real issue is what we should be calling this potential super bug.  

Apparently there are a lot of people upset with the name, swine flu. Everybody from the animal loving swine anti-defamation league to the hey-wait-a-minute-you-guys-are-killing-my-business pork producers, pigs never had so many friends.

Since we're emotionally traumatizing our mud wallowing, slop eating friends, they are proposing to change the name of the flu to the Mexico flu.  No, really, I'm serious. The logic is that since Spain took the blame for the mega-flu in 1918 and Hong Kong gets beat up every year, then it's only fair that Mexico has it's turn in the barrel.  

That whirring noise you hear is Montezuma cranking up his revenge machine.

Look folks, a nose by any other name runs just as drippy.

But I'll play along.  Today's recipe isn't spicy ketchup, or sweet-heat tomato spread.  No, today I give you Tomato-Chili Jam.  This is a very easy condiment to make and it goes with practically anything, from eggs in the morning to sandwiches at lunch to pork chops, chicken or steak at dinner.  So enjoy...

Tomato-Chili Jam

adapted from delicious magazine, volume 5 issue 11

3 pounds Roma tomatoes, halved lengthwise

1/2 cup red wine vinegar

1 TBSP dry mustard

1 inch piece peeled, minced fresh ginger

6 cloves garlic, minced

4 - 6 hot chili peppers, such as Serrano, seeded and chopped

1 TBSP olive oil

1/2 cup sugar

1/3 cup fish sauce (found in the Asian section of your supermarket)

Preheat you oven to 325 degrees. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.

Place the tomatoes on the baking sheet, cut side up, and roast for 1 hour.

Remove the tomatoes from the oven and allow to cool slightly.

While the tomatoes are cooling, in a food processor add the vinegar, dry mustard, ginger, garlic and chillies.  Puree into a rough paste.

In a large saucepan, heat the tablespoon of oil over medium heat.  Transfer the paste to the pan and saute for 2 minutes.  

While the paste is sauteing, transfer the roasted tomatoes to the food processor and roughly puree.  Add the tomatoes to the chili paste mixture.

Add the sugar and fish sauce. Stir well to combine.

Bring to a simmer over low heat and cook for about 1 hour, or until the mixture has reduced and thickened.

Allow to cool completely and then refrigerate.  The jam should keep for up to three weeks, properly stored.

OK, now that was a very easy recipe, one with plenty of downtime to wash any infected hands. Obviously the best thing about this recipe is its flexibility. By adjusting the sugar and chili levels you can customize the heat/sweet ratio to you liking.  Until next time, cover your mouth when you cough, wash your hands often and remember, you can do it, you can cook.

Apple-Poblano Chutney

By nature, I am not a patient person.

Little things annoy me.

If a book is boring, I'll skip a hundred pages and see if I can pick up the story. (By the way, if I can pick up the story, I throw the book away; anything that transparent and glacially paced doesn't deserve to be read.)

I don't understand why supermarkets have 20 checkout lines but never open more than 5.

Why do I have to listen to the lie about the phone options changing because they never do?

Hell isn't fire and brimstone, it's the Post Office at noon. It's Airport Security on a quiet Tuesday.



There's a reason this site is called Crabby Cook and not Chuckles the Chef.



Usually I don't let this impatience affect my cooking.

Usually.

Today I'm giving you a recipe that flavor-wise survived my restlessness. Sadly, my temporal intolerance affected the texture of this chutney, (shown here with roast pork loin). It's got great flavor, you just need to give it some extra time to properly enjoy...


Apple-Poblano Chutney
from A Cowboy In The Kitchen by Grady Spears and Robb Walsh

1 TBSP unslated butter
1 cup peeled, cored and diced Granny Smith apples (1 large)
1 cup diced red onion
3 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 cup roasted Poblano peppers, diced*
1/2 cup white wine
1 cup Jalapeno Pepper jelly
1/2 cup julienned fresh sage
Salt & Pepper to taste


Heat the butter in a large non-stick saute pan over medium heat.

When melted, add the apples, onions and garlic. Cook for about 5 minutes or until they just begin to soften.

Add the diced Poblano peppers.

Pour in the white wine and cook until the wine has evaporated, stirring occasionally.

Add the jelly, stirring to fully melt and incorporate into the mixture. The mixture should be thick and jam-like.

Remove the pan from the heat and fold in the fresh sage. Season with salt and pepper. Set aside and serve at room temperature.


As you can see from the photos, I got impatient and served it warm, as a result it wasn't fully set. No worries crablings, it was still very good. It sets up quite nicely in the fridge and can be used over the next week or so.

OK, time to go relax a bit. Until next time, remember you can do it, you can cook.


*Roast Poblanos

Turn your broiler to high. Lightly oil the peppers and place on a broiler pan.

Roast the peppers, turning as each side becomes charred black. Place the blackened peppers in a paper bag and fold the top closed. Allow them to steam in the bag for approximately 10 minutes. The steam will loosen the charred skins of the peppers. Peel and discard the skin.

Cut the peppers in half and discard the seeds.

Peeled roast peppers will keep in the fridge for 3 days or 3 months if frozen in a plastic bag.

Pork Chops with Dijon & Dried Cherries

"That's it. Oh yeah, baby!"

This winter won't end. It's 40 degrees outside, rain's failing in sheets, the wind's howling, a teenage girl just flew past my window...and her little dog too.

"Turn to the right. Oooooh, slowly now. OK, now spin back."

I'm getting distracted. I'm looking for diversions. I'm giving in to my baser instincts.

"God, look at the size of those!!! Those two are huuuuuge!"

Raindrops tap out "Florida" in Morse code; a keening wind moans "Arizona". I close my office door, I lean back in my chair and I let my mouse take me away. Click! 2 bed/2 bath Bonita Bay oceanview condo. Click! 3 bed/3 bath home with Sonoran views.

I'm human. The flesh is weak. I try to stay away, but it's the internet, the stuff is everywhere. It doesn't hurt to just look a little, does it? I mean, I'm a guy, guys like to look.

I'm talking about real estate porn. Since the middle of February I find myself taking breaks during the day and loading up real estate web sites. Not just any sites, this time of year my fetish runs to warm weather. Endless virtual tours of desert vistas encircling lush golf courses and beachfront condos with Gulf of Mexico sunsets.

Ahhhhhh.

I want to be outside! I need to be outside without having to spend 10 minutes putting on extra clothes. I'm tired of looking like a Sherpa. But it's too soon.

One more indoor recipe. I can't get outside to grill, so I'll give you a simple sauce that can be whipped up while the meat is resting. This recipe could be prepared with chicken breast, though today I'm going to ask you to enjoy...


Pork Chops with Dijon & Dried Cherries
base recipe from SimplyRecipes.com with some tweaks by Crabby


4 center cut or pork loin chops about 1 1/4" inches thick
1 TBSP butter
1 TBSP olive oil
Salt & Pepper
1/4 cup chopped green onions or shallots
1/2 cup dry white wine
3/4 cup chicken stock
2 TBSP dried cherries or raisins
1/2 cup heavy cream
1 TBSP Dijon mustard


Season the chops with salt and pepper.

In a large saute pan, melt the butter and oil over medium-high heat. When the butter has melted and nearly stopped foaming, add the chops and brown 2 - 3 minutes per side.

Transfer the chops to a plate and drain the pan of any excess cooking fat. Add the green onions/shallots to the pan and saute for 1 minute.

Add the wine and bring to a boil. Scrape up any brown bits sticking to the bottom of the pan, (about 1 minute).

Add the chicken stock and return the chops to the pan along with any accumulated juices. Bring the liquid to a simmer, partially cover the pan and cook the chops for 15 minutes, turning once.

Transfer chops to a platter and lightly cover with aluminum foil. Add the dried cherries to the pan juices and bring to a boil, reduce by half, about 2-4 minutes.

Add the heavy cream and boil for an additional two minutes, stirring occasionally.

Remove the pan from the heat and whisk in the Dijon mustard. Check the sauce for seasoning, adjust if necessary.

Spoon the sauce over the chops and serve.


Mustard sauce reminds me of autumn, so this will have to get us through another patch of rough weather. It's a very easy sauce crablings; just have everything ready to go into the pan before you start. Until next time, remember, you can do it, you can cook.


"Oh, mama! Check out the bay windows on that one!"

Cumberland Sauce & Groundhogs

Where's that damn groundhog? I knows he's out here somewhere. That little SOB sticks his head out of a hole, sees his shadow and we're stuck with 6 more years of winter. OK, maybe it's only six more weeks, but at this point, it feels like years.

Since when did we become a rodent based meteorological society?

Isn't it bad enough we have to watch talking heads tell us there's a 50-50 chance of rain in two weeks? Apparently not. Instead we resort to watching middle-aged, overweight men in Pennsylvania molest sleeping woodland creatures to get our long term weather updates.

The biggest problem is that it seems to have worked this year. Winter won't let go. As I type this, it's the beginning of March, there's six inches of fresh snow in New York, and possibly 12 inches falling in Boston. March, in like a lion, out like a lamb. More feral-infused forecasting. I blame Disney.

Well there's only one thing to do. Eat the little buggers.

A few weeks ago ButterBoyC called saying he had some smoked pheasant breasts that he wanted to serve as an appetizer, and did I have any ideas on how to present them? BBC had come to the right place. I don't know if pheasant have any particular proclivity for projecting blizzards or hurricanes, but I certainly have an aptitude for making meals out of them.

Strong flavored meat like venison, duck and lamb, work well with fruit based sauces. Furthermore, fruit sauces go exceptionally well with the fuller flavors of smoked meats. So today I'm going to show you how to make Cumberland Sauce. It's really easy and you can use it on chicken if you're squeamish about game meats. The only work in this recipe is chopping a shallot and grating the rind off a lemon and an orange. The rest is measuring, melting and stirring, so let's all enjoy...

Cumberland Sauce
from Sauces by James Peterson and tweaked by Crabby

1 cup red currant jelly
1 TBSP chopped shallots
1 TBSP grated orange zest
1 TBSP grated lemon zest
1/3 cup red wine or port
1/3 cup orange juice
2 TBSP lemon juice
1 TBSP brown sugar
1/2 teaspoon dry mustard
1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/2 teaspoon salt

Combine all the ingredients except the salt in a medium saucepan and bring to a simmer over medium heat. Reduce heat and simmer for 10 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Remove from heat and allow to cool. Sauce will thicken as it cools.

Season with salt if necessary. Serve chilled or at room temperature.

This sauce will keep, refrigerated, for at least two weeks.


Another easy recipe for my crablings. Sauces make the mundane interesting. They also give meals a back-to-nature twist.

Well, I'm off to find that lousy groundhog and kick his furry rear-end. Spring's got to be around here somewhere. Until next time, remember, you can do it, you can cook.

Alfredo Sauce

"No good deed goes unpunished."


When people know you like to cook you often get food questions out of the blue. I'm happy to answer even if I have no idea what I'm talking about. It doesn't matter, people want you to know. They need you to know.

My approach to food questions? Answer forcefully and with authority; knowledge be damned. The questioner leaves happy and my reputation grows. If I'm wrong, the questioner will always assume they messed up, not me. It's a win-win as far as I'm concerned.

Of course, when people learn that you write a food website the stakes increase. They don't just ask you timing questions or spice questions. Every once in a while they ask you to make something for a special event.

A couple of months ago I was approached about making some Alfredo sauce for a spaghetti dinner fund raiser. Parents were contributing various items and no one wanted to make "the white sauce". A good friend came to me and said,

"We really need someone to make some Alfredo Sauce for the dinner. Would you be willing?"

"Sure", he said forcefully and with authority.

"Well, I should tell you, we need quite a bit", she said with some timidity.

"I'm sure I can handle it", he said forcefully and with authority.

"Great! Because we need 3 gallons", she said, smug in the knowledge that I was hooked.

"Three Gallons?"

"Three Gallons!"

"Great! No problem!" he said, silently cursing.

The problem with making 3 gallons of anything is up-sizing the recipe. The special problem with up-sizing Alfredo Sauce to 3 gallons is avoiding the Death Ninjas sent out by the American Heart Association. Alfredo Sauce is milk-fat mixed with butter fat with a shot of Parmesan Cheese thrown in just to make sure your arteries close completely.

The Boonsta and I used two 2-gallon pots. The last time something this large was prepared, it was done by three witches and Macbeth ended up having a really bad day. By the time everything was loaded in to the pots I had to hold the mixing spoon with my thumb and forefinger; I didn't need a wooden spoon, I needed an oar.

Anyway, here's a recipe that ends up making about 3 gallons of Alfredo. Please enjoy...


Crabby's Alfredo Sauce
(may God and heart surgeons have mercy on my soul)

4 Pounds Unsalted Butter
1 1/2 Gallons Heavy Cream
1/2 Gallon Half & Half
3 Pounds (that's right, pounds) Sour Cream
4 TBSP Ground White Pepper
2 TBSP Salt
12 Cups (about 2 - 2 1/2 pounds) Grated Parmesan Cheese


Place all of the ingredients, except the Parmesan Cheese, into a vat. Turn the heat to medium-low and start slowly stirring.

Melt all the butter and fully incorporate the sour cream. Bring this concoction to a simmer. As the temperature rises, you must keep stirring to avoid scorching the sauce.

When the sauce is just to a low simmer, (about an hour), start adding the grated Parmesan one cup at a time. Fully incorporate each cup before adding the next cup.


After all the cheese has been added, return the sauce to a low simmer and cook for 5 minutes. Total cooking time will approach 90 minutes if you're using the proper, slow warming, approach.

Serve with cooked pasta, you should have enough to feed most of Iowa.




There you go crablings. Alfredo Sauce is very easy to make, it's not even cooking, it's melting fat and stirring. Lots and lots of stirring. Also, as you can see, I'm a big believer in presentation when it comes to food, that's why I went with the blue 5-gallon water jug for transport. It made for a better contrast with the creamy yellow of the sauce.

Next time it'll be something a bit more complicated, but for now, remember, you can do it, you can cook.


Two Things:

Crabby Quiz: Who's the originator of the opening quote?

Downsizing: If you'd like to make a little less than 3 - 4 gallons of Alfredo try these proportions (makes 6 cups, probably good for a pound of pasta):

1/2 pound (2 sticks) unsalted butter
1 1/2 cups heavy cream
3/4 cup half & half
1/4 cup sour cream
1 teaspoon ground white pepper (more to taste)
Salt to taste
1 1/2 cups grated Parmesan Cheese